Marriage or Wedding: Lost in the Big Fat Indian Celebration?

 Marriage or Wedding: 

Lost in the Big Fat Indian Celebration?

Today, I read about the wedding of Gautam Adani’s son. It was such a happy read—applying what Sureen and I have always manifested and believed in. A wedding that was simple, intimate, and centered on family rather than flamboyance. In a world obsessed with extravagant celebrations, this wedding stood out as a refreshing reminder of what truly matters—the sacred bond between two individuals and the merging of families, rather than a display of wealth.

In Indian culture, marriage has always been more than just a social contract. It is a sanskari bandhan, a sacred bond that extends beyond lifetimes—promising togetherness for saat janmas(seven lifetimes). Rooted in tradition and imbued with deep spiritual meaning, an Indian marriage has historically been a union not just of two individuals but of two families, binding them through love, respect, and shared values.

But somewhere along the way, amidst glittering mandaps, extravagant sangeets, and destination weddings, the essence of marriage has been overshadowed by the spectacle of the shaadi. The focus has shifted from the solemnity of pheras and lifelong commitment to the scale and grandeur of celebrations. Today, the very word wedding has begun to eclipse marriage in our collective consciousness, reducing what should be a deeply meaningful moment into a staged extravaganza designed for social validation.

The Rise of Performance Weddings
This transformation is fueled by a complex mix of factors—rising consumerism, social media influence, and the pressure to keep up with the rich and famous. Weddings today are no longer just family gatherings; they have turned into meticulously curated productions, complete with wedding planners, PR teams, and cinematic trailers.

Every time a high-profile wedding—like that of the Ambanis—grabs national headlines, it sets new benchmarks of opulence. These multi-day utsavs, attended by global icons, political leaders, and Bollywood royalty, feature performances by international artists and menus curated by Michelin-starred chefs. They are mesmerizing to watch, but they also fuel an aspiration that can be financially and emotionally draining for middle-class families trying to replicate even a fraction of the grandeur.

In contrast, the recent Adani wedding was a refreshing departure from this culture of excess. Unlike the spectacle associated with elite weddings, the Adanis opted for a simple and intimate vidai sanskaar, staying true to family traditions rather than indulging in over-the-top extravagance. No celebrity guests, no social media blitz, no million-dollar decor—just a wedding focused on what truly matters: the sacred bond between two individuals and their families.

This stark contrast between the dhoom-dhadaka of the Ambanis and the sanyam (restraint) of the Adanis compels us to ask—should weddings be about impressing society, or should they remain a deeply personal and meaningful occasion? More importantly, does spending karodon ka dahej on a wedding ensure a happy marriage?

Stop Emulating a Meaningless Trend

It is high time that we, as a society, stop blindly following this culture of excess.
Why have we made weddings more about structured dress codes than heartfelt emotions? Why are we running around with hefty shaagun boxes and envelopes instead of offering genuine blessings? Why has the essence of shubhkamnaayein (good wishes) been replaced by the compulsion to hand over expensive gifts and extravagant return favors?

The truth is, none of these material displays strengthen a marriage. The size of the envelope or the value of a wedding gift does not determine the strength of a newly formed bond. A marriage thrives on love, mutual respect, and resilience—not on how many designer lehengas were worn or how expensive the mehendi giveaways were.
Most weddings today have become a series of rigidly structured events, with choreographed dances, rehearsed pheras, and filtered social media posts. Even personal ceremonies that were once intimate—like haldi and mehendi—are now commercialized with themes, hashtags, and over-the-top decor. The result? More stress, more expenses, and less emotional connection.

Marriage: A Lifetime, Not a Day

The irony is that while we pour lakhon and karodon into these grand celebrations, we often neglect the true foundation of a strong and lasting marriage. Wedding planning takes precedence over marriage preparation. Families invest endless energy in deciding between Banarasi and Kanjeevaram sarees, but rarely discuss expectations of companionship, financial planning, or emotional compatibility.
Today’s young adults need to understand that a marriage is far more complex than the glamour of a wedding day. A suhag raat does not guarantee suhag bhari zindagi. The mangalsutra is not just a gold ornament; it symbolizes saat vachan (seven vows) that require patience, understanding, and commitment. A relationship demands emotional resilience, trust, and shared responsibilities—things that no designer lehenga or luxury venue can secure.

It is a myth that higher spending ensures permanence in a newly created bond. If anything, an overemphasis on the wedding day often distracts couples from the deeper, more meaningful aspects of their partnership. The real investment should be in understanding each other, building trust, and preparing for the long road ahead. A bari shaadi (big wedding) does not guarantee a bari zindagi (fulfilling life).

Reclaiming the True Essence of Marriage

It’s time to pause and reflect. Kya hum apni badi shaadiyon ke chakkar mein asli vivaah ka arth bhool rahe hain? Are we prioritizing spectacle over substance?
Perhaps it is time to take inspiration from weddings like that of the Adanis—where the focus was on simplicity, family, and meaning, rather than on a display of wealth. A marriage is not defined by the grandeur of the wedding, but by the strength of the bond it represents.

For centuries, Indian culture has emphasized the pavitrata (sanctity) of marriage as a lifelong commitment built on sneha (affection), vishwas (trust), and sahansheelta (patience). This is what has sustained families and communities for generations. It’s time we return to these fundamentals and refocus on what truly matters—love, commitment, and the promise of a lifetime together.
Let’s bring the focus back to vivaah, not just the shaadi.

Author
Sanjay Shharma
@teatimeworks

Engineer and management graduate Sanjay is  second-generation entrepreneur with 35+ years' experience, he's a creator of products, markets, teams, and institutions. With a pure mind and deep connection to the earth, he values Indian culture and actively contributes to community development. He can be reached at sanjay@gepco.in